Deadly Past Read online

  I wait to see if she’s finally finished and by the looks of things she has. “Greedy cow! Want me to order?” I know I'm wasting my breath because she doesn’t trust me to get her order right.

  “Okay, order me the same without the Samosas, please. While you order, I’ll grab the wine.” She nods her head and pulls out her cell. I leave her to it and grab the wine. Neither of us knows much about wine, but we do know what we like, which seems to be the cheap stuff. We’re cheap and cheerful.

  Sabine is scowling at me when I return to the sitting room with the glasses and the bottle of wine. I know she’s waiting for me to talk.

  “What are we watching this evening?” I’m trying to distract her, but I don’t think it’s working. Sabine is glaring at me like she wants to strangle me.

  “Moy, stop it, please. Can you tell me what’s going on?” She looks worried.

  “Okay, so you know how I slept with Luke?” She nods but doesn’t utter a word, waiting for me to continue before she speaks. “Well, I know you said leaving was the best thing that could have happened. Oh God, okay so I have been sleeping with him ever since.”

  Damn, that sounded worse than I wanted. I tried explaining but got so flustered, I just blurted it out. I observe her expression and can see she isn't happy.

  “Does this mean you two are an item? Why didn’t you tell me sooner? That was like two weeks ago!” She isn’t shouting, but she may as well be. Her tone is scathing. I hate upsetting her.

  “I was worried what you would say. I know you always have my best interest at heart and because of that, you won’t agree with this. Your approval means everything to me.” She is the one thing in my life that has been constant and loves me unconditionally. Probably the only love I have felt from anyone in a very long time.

  “You should know that as long as you're happy, I’m happy. So, what wouldn’t I agree with?” She’s more curious than anything now. I can deal with that. It's the anger I can’t handle.

  “Oh, please tell me he hasn’t gotten you to be his sex slave?”

  Thank God, I didn’t have any drink in my mouth. I would've spit it out for sure.

  “No, I’m not his sex slave. God Sabine, what do you take me for? No! We’re not in a relationship. We’re friends with benefits. I’m having fun.”

  “I was right. You are a sex slave!” she says with a smile, and I feel my whole body deflate with relief. “But Morgan, are you sure you can just do friends with benefits? I don’t want you to get hurt, but I see that happening in this situation.” I love that she worries about me.

  “You’ve been through enough pain and heartache in your life as it is. I just don’t want you to go through anymore.”

  “Sim! I love you. I do, but I know what I’m doing. I promise. It’s casual, and it’s easy. We spend the evening together watching television or a movie, then we have sex. Then one of us leaves. We agreed, no sleepovers.” It actually sounds worse than it is.

  “Moy, how did you even agree to this?” I think this may be the first time I have ever seen her shocked. “What were you thinking?”

  "Hey, what makes you think I didn’t come up with this agreement?” I'm genuinely affronted she didn’t immediately think I came up with this idea. But the look on her face tells me to get real. Her eyebrows may as well be attached at the hairline, and she has her head tilted just enough to make you wonder if she isn't part puppy.

  “Fine, he suggested it, and I agreed. Look, I’m having fun, and there are no strings attached. He can leave whenever he wants and so can I.” I don’t like that I’m justifying it.

  “Morgan, are you sure? I don’t think you will be able to keep your feelings out of this.” She is definitely worried about me, and I’m sorry for not telling her from the start. “Moy, do you honestly think you can do this?”

  I walk over and sit on her lap, hugging her as I do. This girl is my family, and she means the world to me, so if she needs reassurance then so be it.

  “Yes, I honestly think I can do this.”

  She must see the sincerity in my face because her face softens and her eyes start to mist. “As long as you're happy. That's what is important.”

  “I love you, Sim,” I tell her trying not to cry.

  Damn, this girl always gets to me. I think she’s the only person who can make me cry.

  My arms still wrapped around her, I give her a squeeze and kiss her cheek. I stand up and walk over to the wine and pour us both a drink.

  “I love you too. Now, enough of the mushy stuff. It’s time for the details woman. How good is he? Was I right? Please let me be right.” Sabine got a glimpse of Luke once when she met me for lunch. Her words were “God, damn, he is FINE! I’d say he’d crack someone’s marbles.”

  “Yes, you were right, although I still don’t know where the hell you got that saying from? But Luke is Ah-Maz-Ing! The things he can do, you’d think they’d be illegal. His hands and tongue. Yummmmmm.” I feel the heat rising in my cheeks as I tell her about him. I’m like a school girl, all giddy and happy.

  “Damn! Oh, Moy, you lucky dog. You go, girl!” With that, she reminds me why she’s my best friend. Yeah, she worries about me and lectures me because she cares. But she’s also behind me one hundred percent, no matter what.

  I hear the doorbell and am glad the food is here. I’m starving and I know Sim is too. “I’ll get it, Moy. It’ll be my treat. My little girl has finally found a man who knows what he’s doing!” She’s laughing as she says it.

  I throw a cushion at her as she dances towards the front door, but she dodges it and giggles as it hits the floor.

  “Now Moy, behave.” She’s still giggling like a teenager.

  ***

  We decided on a marathon session of 'Say Yes to The Dress.' We adore this show. We’re both closet romantics at heart and love Disney movies and anything with a happy ever after. I love that it doesn’t matter what shape you are, everyone looks like a princess on that show.

  We’re currently watching the '10 Years of Yes,' and one of the brides to be brought an entire entourage of people with her. One in which is a sister who has an opinion on everything and hates every dress the bride has tried on.

  Oh, I would have kicked her out of the fitting.

  “Thank God we don't have sisters, Moy. Holy hell! The woman didn’t even get to stand on the stage before the sister told her how ugly the dress is! Oh, I’d kill her.” I’m crying with laughter at Sabine’s indignation of this woman.

  “She's just jealous because that dress is gorgeous on her.” I couldn’t agree more. The woman looks stunning.

  “Have you seen 'Say Yes to The Dress Atlanta?' I watched one episode where this one bride brought her bridesmaids for fittings to see what dress she’d pick and her sister wore a tiara. I swear she had a freaking tiara on her head as she was trying on dresses! Who does that?”

  I can’t stop laughing, but Sabine is right, some of the entourage they bring with them is awful. You’d think they’d be helpful, but nope, they are anything but helpful!

  “It’s why we love this show. That and getting ideas for when we get married. Sim, do you even know what dress you want?” I laugh just looking at the dreamy look on her face as she visualizes her dress.

  “Mermaid lace, with a bedazzled bodice. Simple yet elegant with a touch of bling. Totally me.” She has a big smile on her face.

  “We just need to find a man that will deal with your craziness first.” I laugh at her expression, she’s pouting like a toddler. I stick my tongue out at her causing her to laugh when we hear the doorbell ring.

  Sabine, who is still laughing goes to answer it while I refill our glasses since neither of us is working tomorrow morning, she’s a nurse in the hospital and we were lucky that we have the same day off.

  I pour the last of the wine into our glasses and reminisce on how glad I am I had the foresight to buy three bottles this evening when I hear talking at the door. I look at the clock on my sitting room wall and wonder
who would be stopping by at 11:30 p.m.?

  “Moy, want to come to the door? It’s for you.” Her voice is teasing and playful. I’m curious. “Hurry up, will you?”

  “I’m coming you big baboon. And it’s my house, who else would it be for?” I call out to her as I walk out of the kitchen.

  Sabine is hiding whoever is at the door. She has the front door only partially open, and I can see she is definitely up to something by the stupid grin on her face.

  Once I reach the door, I see Luke standing there, trying so hard not to laugh. What has Sabine done this time?

  “Hey, you. Why are you standing out there?” I use my hip to bump Sabine out of the way, but she doesn’t move very far. She stands there looking like a bulldog, arms crossed and a scowl on her face.

  Luke looks at Sim with a massive smile on his face. “I forgot you were having a girl’s night and your friend here said I wasn’t allowed into the house. I don’t think I heard her correctly, though. I believe she said the only way I’d be allowed in is if she sheared off my penis. As I said, I think I misheard her.” He shakes his head and laughs, while I stand there looking at my feet, my face red as a tomato.

  “Oh, you didn’t mishear me. That is exactly what I said.” My head pops up at Sabine’s voice, and I see a sweet smile on her face. You’d think she was some innocent little girl. But this girl has a big mouth and an even bigger personality.

  I hear a choking type coughing sound and look towards Luke, whose expression seems to be stuck between laughing or wanting to run.

  “Um, so I’m just going to leave.” This is a first; I don’t think I’ve ever seen Luke look so unsure of himself. He seems terrified of Sabine.

  I stifle my laughter and turn to the woman in question and see her staring daggers at Luke. I elbow her in her side, none too gently, to get her attention. It works because she turns her glare on me. I smile sweetly at her and hand her the bottle of wine I’ve been holding since coming out of the kitchen.

  “Sabine, don’t be like that. Go and get the next episode ready. I won’t take long.” I tell her, hoping my tone is sweet and not betraying me as I’m so mad right now.

  I shouldn’t be surprised she’d give him a hard time, but damn, at least do it when the man is inside.

  “Fine, but you have five minutes otherwise I’m sending out a search party.” She says it with such an innocent smile on her face. I know better, though. She’s the devil incarnate.

  “Shoo, go!” I wave her away, and she sticks her tongue out at me. I laugh at her and watch as she walks towards the sitting room.

  I turn to Luke and smile at him. “Sorry about her, she gets a little carried away when she’s near visitors; we try and keep them at one a day and never after eight. She gets too hyper.” I say, trying to lighten the mood and hoping he doesn’t think I’m as crazy as the loon who just left us.

  I watch as he chuckles, his shoulders jerking as he does. “There’s always one isn’t there? She’s just looking out for you. You’re lucky to have her.” I smile at him, thankful that he understands Sabine.

  “But is she going to be like that all the time?”

  “Maybe, I don’t know. Sabine is the closest thing to a sister as anyone could have. She and her mom are the only real family I have left, she doesn’t want me to get hurt. I’ve told her I won’t, but it didn’t seem to placate her.” I watch his expression carefully, and it’s shuttered and extremely hard to read.

  I sigh, “Look, Luke, Sabine and I are a package deal, in the fact that she is my best friend and I will never do anything to disrespect her. Saying that, we aren’t in a relationship so she shouldn’t affect us. Sabine just wants me to be happy.” I hate that I even have to have this conversation. Sabine will always come first, no matter what.

  Again, his expression is shuttered, and I see a brief flicker of something pass through his eyes. I don’t know what it is, it happened too quickly to grasp.

  He smiles at me “Okay, and I understand, my sister, Sophia is the same.” That’s the first time he’s mentioned anyone from his family to me. I have seen Scott, his brother only in passing. Anytime I go to Luke’s apartment, Scott is just leaving. I think they live together.

  I smile at him, and he takes a step closer to me and reaches up and strokes my face, I can’t help but lean into his touch. I look into his eyes as I do and see what I usually see, hurt. His eyes hold a kind of agony that can make or break someone, and I know I shouldn’t be thinking about healing that suffering.

  This isn’t a relationship. Luke takes another step closer, his hand drops from my face, but he’s so close now I can feel the warmth of his breath on my face.

  “Tomorrow?” He asks pulling me away from the bliss that is him.

  Huh? What did he say?

  “Tomorrow? Will you be free tomorrow?” I nod instantly, then shake my head, I’m such a ditz.

  “I’m working tomorrow night.” He looks disappointed.

  “The next day?” I ask hoping he'll understand and agree. He nods with a warm smile on his face.

  “Yours or mine?” I ask, hoping he says mine so I won’t have to drive home afterwards. There is nothing worse than being so blissed out that you’re ready to fall asleep but can’t because you have to go home.

  “Yours,” he instantly replies, making me smile bigger.

  With that, he winds his hand around my neck and pulls me towards him. We are face to face - noses are touching, and I can’t help but lick my lips in anticipation. My eyes flutter closed as I put my lips against his. I instantly feel the hum of desire run through my body.

  The kiss is over as quickly as it began and all I feel is disappointment that it was only a peck. Luke pulls back and smiles, probably knows what I am thinking. He starts to walk backwards, and I already feel the loss of him.

  “I’ll see you soon Morgan.”

  He’s gone. Fuck! Maybe Sabine is right. Perhaps this will be too much. Can I actually do this? No, I’m not going to second-guess this. I can do it. I just have to keep reminding myself.

  I take a deep breath to gain my composure, closing the door as I do. I turn and see Sabine watching me. “How long have you been standing there?” She has a weird look on her face, one I can’t quite decipher.

  “Long enough. You look happy when you’re around Luke. I haven’t seen you look like that in a very long time.” Sadness seeps into her eyes, and I know she’s thinking about my mom. I haven’t been this happy since she died. Sabine’s mom and my mom were best friends - they grew up together and stayed the greatest of friends until my mom died. It was only natural that Sabine and I would become like sisters.

  Thankfully, Agnishika was there when my world collapsed. She could have turned me away, even though it must have been so hard to have me around when I remind her so much of my mom. She made sure I was okay. I believe that Sabine and Agnishika kept me alive in the months that followed Mom’s death. I didn’t know how to cope, and they made sure I knew I wasn’t alone.

  “Yes, I actually am. I don’t know how long this thing between Luke and I will last. But I do know that whatever it is, and however long it lasts, I’m happy. He makes me feel alive, and it’s exciting and easy. I feel as though I can be myself without any judgment or expectations. We’re enjoying ourselves. Does that make sense?” I think I rambled at her and now I don’t know if she understands what I’m trying to say. I do that sometimes when I’m nervous.

  I really do want Sabine to be happy for me, but I also want her approval. It sounds stupid. I’m a grown woman and shouldn’t need anyone’s approval. But Sim is different, she’s the most important person in my life. I’m not saying that if she doesn’t agree I’ll stop seeing Luke - it just means I won’t talk about it around her - it would be difficult, but it’s something I am willing to do.

  “It makes perfect sense Moy. I’m happy that you are happy. Watching you with him made me realize how much you need this. How much you need this fun and exciting relationship? Are we callin
g it a relationship?” She has a smile on her face and I know she’s teasing me, but she genuinely does seem happy.

  Sabine walks towards me, and I meet her halfway. I fall into her and wrap my arms around her squeezing her ribs as I do. She lets out an ‘oomph’ sound as I squeeze. It doesn’t stop her though as she wraps her arms around my shoulders. It’s uncomfortable as Sabine is tiny, but I wouldn’t stop it for the world.

  “I really am happy for you Moy. But I need you to please be careful. That man has heartbreaker written all over him. And I really don’t think orange jumpsuits suit me.” I feel her body shake against mine as the laughter tumbles out of her. She lets go of me and saunters back into the living room. I follow behind, wondering how lucky I am to have her in my life.

  Chapter Two

  Morgan

  I hate not having a car. I had to put mine in the garage for routine maintenance so now I'm hoofing it home after a long day at work. It’s been a hectic few days, and I cannot wait for tomorrow. I finally have a day off. Sometimes I wonder what made me want to become part of the NYPD Major Crimes Unit. I never intended to be part of this team, but I sure as hell belong here.

  My original goal was to become a police officer, a beat cop, and I realized I was doing so much more than just reaching a goal. I was giving it my absolute all, every single day, and even that didn't seem to be enough. Seeing so much savage brutality while working the streets led me to where I am today. A detective fighting for those victims that have no one to fight for them.

  Women and children especially have my heart. I have seen some of the most horrific things anyone could imagine while working with the SVU. The victim's faces haunt me every night. They’ll never disappear, and I've made my peace with that. They remind me to be the best detective I can, so the next victim might have a chance before it is too late. A cop's job is to serve and protect and when that fails, it's my job to find justice for the victim and their loved ones.

  I moved to New York not that long ago from Detroit. There was an opening in the Major Crimes Unit, and it was an opportunity I couldn’t pass up. Luckily, nurses are always in short supply, so Sabine easily managed to get a job in the Emergency Room. She loves it and gets along with her fellow nurses and doctors. I’m glad she has made a home here too.